I had a conversation the other day that led to some very interesting realizations: I equate my value as a person to how much I accomplish in a day. I also only consider days a “good day” when I get a lot completed. When I don’t get a lot done, I feel guilty and shameful. If you do this too, or know someone who does, this post is for you.
Our society, particularly in the United States, operates by this standard. We always think more is better and our job performance, reviews, & raises depend on our productivity. I also realized some personal reasons why I feel this way: because of how I was raised and the family dynamic I witnessed as a child. These are the main factors that influence my behavior.
Now that I am unemployed, the fear of not doing enough to be a “valid” person who is worthy of love and attention, has been amplified. I find myself listing off everything I have done that day to my husband when he gets home, seeking compliments & validation.. fascinating.
Generally, we as humans, love to see tangible results of our efforts, but the most important things in life are not tangible: energy, love, knowledge, etc. Valuing tangible results isn’t all bad, and a lot of it is necessary work, like the dishes, laundry, house repairs, etc.
But.. we need to make sure we are doing a task or two a day that aligns with our purpose, something we can not see immediate results from. Examples: Spending time with your child to strengthen your bond, reading a self-help book, listening to a finance podcast, meditation, etc. and doing these things purposefully & following through on the advice they give. This is what makes us feel truly fulfilled in our lives.
People who value tangible results too much, often overspend on items to have a way to prove to others what they’ve accomplished/how productive they’ve been/what they can afford. They feel like they need the validation from others; the compliments and the attention. At the end of the day though, those things are hollow, leaving people feeling unfulfilled, looking for the next rush, often a bigger purchase than their last, or a trip, or a drastic life change like moving.
This goes back to principles, choose what you do with your day based off of those and you can’t go wrong. Recognize that just because you cannot see love, spiritual growth, or mental growth, doesn’t mean it is any less valuable. In fact, they are the most valuable things in this world. You can’t buy love, intelligence, or non-physical growth.
So I challenge you to find your “why” and write out your principles. Also to do at least one task a day that supports your purpose that you can’t see tangible results from. I will be doing the same, as well as try not to report what I accomplished that day to anyone, to try and break the habit of needing external validation for my work.
I think I’m going to write another blog post to help people find their why/life purpose.
Links to more of my posts that will help you with this:
- The 4 Principles I Base All of My Life Choices On
- Grief, Ego, and Principles.
- You Are a Lot Closer to Your Ideal Lifestyle Than You Think..
- ThriftBooks -I LOVE them as a company & order all of my books from them now! They ship super fast, great service, books always show up as described, super cheap, & good for the planet because they’re second-hand, but you get to choose the quality!
- BetterHelp -A week of Therapy for FREE!
- Betterment -Invest your first $5,000 for FREE!
- Back Market -My referral code: 6888f588d6f85083 -$10 off your order! Refurbished Tech! My sister & I both got “new” phones from there. They’re awesome, great quality, so much cheaper than buying new (by up to 70%), came super fast, was super easy to buy, AND we saved 123 pounds of carbon emissions, each!
As always, thanks for reading! Please share with anyone who may need it.